Ask the Tarot: I’ve Been Married for 30 Years. Should I Stay for Security?

This is a recording of our Spotify Live show from February 10, 2022. Tune in on Spotify every Thursday at 6 PM PT/9 PM ET to catch Michelle Tea’s tarot readings. Or listen on the Spotify Live app where you can join the chat — you’ll even have a chance to ask the tarot what’s on your mind.

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Michelle Tea: Hey, everyone, thank you so much for tuning in, but did you know that you can join Ask the Tarot Live every Thursday at 9:00 p.m. Eastern on Spotify Green Room. That is right live. All you have to do is download the Spotify Green Room app and sign up for free or use your Spotify login to join. You can also click the link in our series or episode descriptions. Once you're there, follow Ask the Tarot. And tune in every Thursday at eight p.m. to hear what the deck has in store. Hey, I'll even read your questions live. Why miss out on that? Download Spotify Green Room for free today and join Ask the Tarot Live every Thursday.

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Michelle Tea: Hello, everybody, it's Michelle, I'm starting the room, welcome to another episode, is this an episode of your show? Welcome to another episode of Ask the Terror. I'm so glad you guys are here. I am coming to you live from a very different place than I normally am. Hello, Chloe, I'm in Knoxville, Tennessee. You guys, I'm at an artist retreat. You know, I'm a writer in addition to like a tarot person and whatnot. And I've never gone to a writer's retreat before, and now I'm here and I'm in the woods in Tennessee. It's very cool, so I'm in a new space. Honestly, it feels a little haunted. I have like my crystals, you know, set up at my where I work, at my little workspace and and one of them was just like, not where I left it. And maybe I'm sure I just bumped the table, you know? But I like to think that maybe there's a kindly, I don't know, a kindly ghost haunting this literal log cabin that I'm in right now. So anyway, thanks for being here. As you guys know, maybe some of you don't. This is ask the tarot. I'm Michelle T. I'm the host of the Your Magic podcast on Spotify. I am the author of Modern Tarot, and I am going to read your tarot cards. So are you going to do is raise your hand if you have a question that you think the tarot can help you with. I'll call on you. I'll read your cards another way you can contact me after the show. If you want to me to put in a question for future episodes, you can contact me on Instagram michelleteaz T-E-A-Z. And you can just email me your your question. But I do want to let you know if you do this. There's a big scam that's going on where terrible scammers are impersonating tarot readers and trying to like sucker people into fake reading. So please know I will never make the first move on Instagram, right? If you guys contact me, I'll always respond. But I'm never going to reach out to you and offer you a terror reading. It's never going to happen. So somebody does that and it looks like me. It is a scammer, but you can just send me. I only have one Instagram account, and it's that one to only one z. OK, so let's see who's got anyone got their hands up? I have some new ones. Oh, yeah, OK, let me see. I'm going to pick Angel right now, Angel, you are on. How can the tarot help you tonight?

Querent: I don't really have like a specific question. I just kind of want like an overall general view.

Michelle Tea: I guess you want to just go like, what's your vibe right now? Like, what's the energy that's around you? That kind of thing, what you should be thinking about?

Querent: Yeah, basically.

Michelle Tea: OK, let me just see that you see what the tarot what message the tarot has for you tonight. Um, you know, this is very common. This is a very common practice like, I mean, I'm doing it for you, but you know, this is something people do with tarot, right? You just pick cards and say, like, what's up? What do I need to think about? What does Spirit want me to know about? So here is your message from the tarot. Oh wow. You got three cards picked you three cards. The first one is the princess of Cups, OK? And she is like a water sign, but she's like a very intellectual water sign. That's how I think of her. She is somebody whose emotions do not overwhelm, but she is somebody who's kind of wise about emotions. She's not ruled by them. She has a lot of compassion for herself. So, you know, in that way, she can be a really great role model, something to aspire to. Could also be that like, that's sort of where you are right now. You know, sometimes the court cards also do symbolize people around us. So if you feel like you're having like good heart to hearts with somebody, you know that you feel like you have an emotional connection to right now, it could definitely be that as well. Your next card is the art card, which I'm reading with the the Crowley Tarot deck, right the top deck. And you know, it's a riff on the Temperance Card, but it's also quite different than the Temperance Card. So the temperance card is about balance. So I like to give it a little shout out when the art card comes up. But the art card is really about taking to things that seem very different from each other and making a whole new third thing from it. It's kind of like a card that's about alchemy. It's a metaphor for alchemy. It uses alchemy. It's it's really one of the more mysterious cards in the Crowley deck. But what I can tell you is that it's super creative. It's called art. And but it's beyond just like art. The way that we think of art, like painting and sculpture, it's like it's like the art of being you, the art of your life. Like, What are you creating in your life? What are you bringing around for yourself? What different elements are you taking to create a whole new thing that's just for you and then your final card? And this is really interesting. It's the hanged man, right? So it's suggesting that there is some sort of a sacrifice that you're making right now, some sort of like really tricky situation or like a waiting game that you're playing out right, that you're waiting for something to. Happened and the waiting might be a little bit frustrating, I mean, the this this is definitely the hanged man is a really frustrating card. I think even though oftentimes when we get him, it's because, you know, we decided to do it. We decided that, you know, we want what he has to offer to us. Does that make do you feel about those cards? You think they are they? Are they resonating with you?

Querent: Yeah, I feel like, yeah, I can see that. So that's basically, I mean, I didn't have any like specific questions. I was just kind of curious as to what's going on, though. Yeah.

Michelle Tea: I'm actually curious about, you know, the I want to pick one more card for you to get some clarity around what is the what is this hangman card about? And then you got the night of death, which was another card about just like waiting and pausing. To me, it just looks like you really know yourself and you know that there are some things that you want to do or accomplish, like maybe something really big, but also like right now, it's like not the time to pounce. It's still gestating. Perhaps that's kind of what I would read from it.

Querent: Okay, cool. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate it.

Michelle Tea: You're welcome.

Querent: Have a good night.

Michelle Tea: You, too. All right, you guys. So some folks, you know, wrote in with some problems. So here's one that I picked some cards on. OK, I'm in the midst of a big transformation. My fiancee and I moved to Savannah from our hometown hometown of Baltimore. Excuse me, I'm taking a sip of water. Oh my god. Savannah and Baltimore, two very cool towns. But within a month of moving in, we were slapped silly with health issues. I had a corneal ulceration. Yuck. LOL. That's that's the quote saying Yuck. LOL, I'm not going to lol that anyone's corneal ulceration ever. OK, so but I'm glad that they have a sense of humor about about their own life. And after nearly losing my eye, oh my goodness, and spending weeks sleeping off the pain, I'm finally emerging from this quote death stage. I can feel that I'm stepping into my spring as my energy rises again. I have my dream job with the beloved company and have been really incorporating my magic into my work. But I'm also stepping back into my personal business, offering phone readings and workshops. You guys phone readings are fascinating. I believe it's an African tradition and where you throw bones as a as a way of divination. So sounds like super fascinating and cool. I want to ensure I'm channeling this new energy and my magic into something that will truly help others, but I'm not sure where I should be directing it. OK, now I picked cards on this, although I get to tell you if I was working with this person individually, you know, I would say, Well, we are some places you think you should be directing it because here's the thing the tarot is a little limited, right? Like, maybe this person needs to go to school. Well, I guess there are kind of school clerk cards in the tarot, aren't they? You know, I just like to get real specific. So I like to think of different options, whereas the tarot will give you a lot of heavy vibes. So here's the vibe. The first thing I did was I picked three cards about her energy rising again, right? Stepping into her spring with this horrible trauma, physical trauma on her heels. What cards did she get? OK, I got to tell you guys, I got a new tarot deck I'm using for this. It's the movie tarot. OK, it's it's movies. The the minor arcana are just showing the objects like the five of cups is five cups, etc. But the major arcana and the court cards are all scenes from movies. So I know I love movies too, and my fiance fiancee got it for me, so I'm trying it out. So. So this person, the first card is the eight of cups, right? And we know the eight of cups is about like there's a regret, like something had to be walked away from, OK? And then there's the seven of cups. You can see, maybe I just didn't shuffle this deck that well, and I have to address that actually, because I was just doing a reading with a friend recently who had a new deck. She had the young and tarot and, you know, she it was new. So she was getting all these cards that are just like in a row, right? So it just feels like the deck isn't that shuffled. But I maintain, you know, the tarot is everything or the tarot is nothing, and you're still getting cards out of 78 cards. You know, you're getting those three consecutive cards as opposed to, you know, the 75 74 other cards out there you could have gotten. So I still think it's meaningful. Thank you for my sidebars. And so anyway, back to what's going on. Eight of cups, a walking away from something, a regret into the seven of cuts, which is, you know, almost fantasy, right? And I'm almost in overwhelm of possibility the paralyzes of all the things that you can do and then the six of cups, which is a sort of a grounding, right? I like the six of cups coming after the eight and the seven. It's sort of like to me, you know, especially with the six of cups having this, you know, one of the rings of the six of cups that it is that it's, you know, it's nostalgia. It has something to do with the past. And so I'm just thinking, you know you. This current had this whole plan, this whole life plan, and we can all relate to this so much right during the pandemic that so many of our life plans just kind of got canceled. So this person, you know, move forward into their life and got hit with a huge health problem and now is coming back. So I'm just seeing that maybe there is some stuff to mourn here. You know, like maybe there is. I love all of the optimism and this idea that you're coming back into your spring. But what I'm seeing in all the cards that are coming up is not that that's not true. I mean, you have come out of this health scare, but I'm seeing that there's almost like a level of healing that needs to happen from everything that you've been through. So, so, you know, good getting out of bed and moving forward, right? Good putting the past behind you, but not so fast. OK, so I picked three cards on the day job the book The Beloved Dream Job. The first is the ace of Cuts. Beautiful. So yes, it is a beloved dream job. Absolutely like how gorgeous. And then and I love that you're being so defined your your moment right now is being very illustrated by the cuts, right? Then you get the king of coins, which I have to tell you, you guys in this deck, it's Willy Wonka, which is so great. Not the Johnny Depp one, of course. Do I even need to say that the original the gene wilder? So the king of coins, and that's great. That's just like such a great business card, like the king of Coins and the ace of cups. It's like there is a job that fulfills you emotionally, takes care of your bank account. But then you get the seven of swords and the seven of swords is dissatisfied. So this is very interesting. And I'm thinking, where's this dissatisfaction coming from? You know, this is clearly a dream job. You've acknowledged that the cards say that it's true, and yet there's something there's a wanting more. And I'm thinking, That's your magic, right? That's your magic practice. So I pull three cards on your magic practice, and it's complicated. The first one is the five of cups, so we know that that's a card about disappointment and a little regret. And then we get the 10 of wands, which we know is about oppression, right? The 10 of wands is like, I thought I wanted to do this, and I don't want to do it, at least not the way I'm doing it. But then you have the two of coins, which I actually love. The two of coins know coming at the end of kind of a couple of stressful cards because the two of coins is change and it's reminding you, yeah, there's something that's not right about your personal business, the way that you're stepping back into it. I'm guessing you have to step away from it, right? Because you're saying that you're stepping back into it and we know that you've gone through this health trauma. I think that. The takeaway I'm getting from this in a really big way, the message is that you are not the same person you were before this. Like the person who like left Baltimore with stars in their eyes. I mean, I'm not saying you have stars. Yes, I did say you had stars in your eyes, but you know what I mean? I'm just imagining the optimism of a fresh move. You're not exactly the same person on the heels of this, which is just to say that you, you know, I think that when we go through really hard times and trials and trauma, is there a little bit like initiations, right? And we don't know why they happen. I mean, why did you get an, you know, an ulcer and you're on your cornea? I mean, that's terrible. But you did. And I think that there's something about taking the opportunity to make some changes in your business practice. Your beloved dream job might not be as perfect as it was before. Right? The practice, the way you had set it up, you might want to shake it up. I think that you do. I think the two of coins is really an ally for you. And so finally, this last question, you know, I'm not sure where I should be directing it. So, you know, after all this, like what does it look like for you, like as you really move out of, you know, this strange health scare that you had, right? And you get the king of swords, the chariot and death. Like, Whoa, OK, I feel like this is an opportunity for you to really prune, prune and fine tune the way that you conduct your work life. Like what? What you want out of it, what you what you're getting out of it. You know, the the processes and structures you've created. The chariot in the death card are really intense, right? I mean, the chariot is wonderful. I mean, it's definitely saying like, OK, like, you know, you're my read on. This is like your health problems are behind you. You're you're slamming into the future here. But you know, the chariot is the chariot of war. So it's a bumpy road and you know, you've been through a bumpy road, right? This is like a lot that you've been through in the fact that the death card is there and you yourself said that you are emerging from this death stage is so powerful. I just feel like there's something about what you've been through that you need to carry on into this next phase of your work, especially with it being magic work. I mean, it's it's really interesting. A lot of times the idea of being a witch or being a psychic person or a shaman can feel like very light hearted and like fairy vibes. And I love that and I believe in that 100 percent. But there's also an energy that undergirds a lot of magic that is Shadow Shadow Magic, right? Its shadow power and its power that's often born of hard times brushes with death, trauma. You know, the times when your Earth got cracked open a little bit. So what I'm getting out of this is that there is some sort of power for you to grasp on Tube because of what you've gone through. And I think that it would be helpful to you to bring some of that depth energy from that death stage. The idea isn't to completely leave it behind you, but to sort of work with it and bring it into your life a little bit. So there, that's what I have to say about it. That's a wild reading. Honestly, none of those cards were like, what I thought would come and and yet there they are. And so I hope that that's a helpful message to you. I'm really glad that you're better and that you've got to keep your eye. And I think that maybe it had an effect on your third eye. So best of luck, you know, strengthening that part of you also. OK. Let's see who's here in the room, let's see who has their hands up. Oh my God, there's so many of you. Genevieve, you are on Ask the Tarot.

Querent: Hi. Oh, I'm so excited to talk to you.

Michelle Tea: Oh, how can I help?

Querent: Well, I do. I do have a question, and I have like three kind of outcomes for it. So I'm a nurse. It's been a rough couple of years and I'm just I'm feeling like really like kind of burnt out and sad. I look, I love my job so much, and I went into it because I feel really passionate about it and I do. I do have days where I love it, but I'm just kind of feeling like I'm bedside and I work like I work in respiratory critical care right now and I've also done hospice. So I'm like, Should I leave? So my options, I guess, are to leave in-patient like leave bedside entirely and do like something totally different from nursing, which, like I do, have other passions like environmental activism and social justice I feel really strongly about. And then my other option would be to kind of stay in nursing but find a different route. And then I feel like my last one in the one that I kind of want you the most is just like, how do I find? Like, how do I refined my love and my spark that I used to like, really bring? And I feel like I I used to be able to be a better nurse, and I just kind of want to get back there.

Michelle Tea: Oh my God, you're like breaking on all of our hearts as you go to the chat and everyone's like in love with you and all your goodness and your kindness and your nastiness. All right, I'm pulling cards right now. I pull three cards on leaving bedside and just doing something entirely different from nursing. And now I'm picking three cards on. I'm staying in nursing, but finding a different path in nursing. And now I'm picking. I'm shuffling, thinking about you regaining that spark again. Nursing is such hard work. I have so much love and respect for folks, especially you are in the belly of the beast, the kind of nursing you're doing with the work we've been living in these past years. So I can imagine how rough it is, but you seem so sparkly. Let's see what it looks like. If you can conjure, we conjure your spark. OK, so the first three cards are for leaving nursing and you got you got the Sun. Oh my god. Yeah. Very interesting. You got the Sun. The Prince of one. I'm sorry. The Prince of Swords, OK? And the art card that our card has popped up again. So the Sun obviously like, wow. Yes, it would feel like a load has been lifted off your shoulders to get out of nursing like, oh, you can. You can like leave the hospital, leave the building and step into the sunlight. There's definitely that does look really powerful for you. The Prince of Swords, it's really interesting. He's in the center of these two really beautiful and powerful, you know, major arcana cards just to skip over to the other major arcana card with with the art card. It's art card is a really powerful creative card. So it's sort of like, you know, you're saying you have all these other interests, and I'm seeing that like those other interests and environmental activism and social justice, like the art card really like can can rule things like that because it's about taking people and bringing about change, right? Taking energies and shifting energies and changing energies. It's a very magical card. So that looks really good. But the Prince of Swords, it's so funny, even though he's not as powerful or as strong as the Sun or the art card. He's holding this really central position and he's all about like he wants to move forward, but he just he doesn't have the right tools to move forward in this really kind of almost like overly simple way. It looks to me like in a funny way, like you just can't understand how to leave, you know, even though the call to leave it looks very strong and kind of clear, there's almost like you're just afraid to flex that muscle, you know, and it's like the Prince of Swords. You know, his problem is he's got these little fairies trying to pull his, his big chariot. And so he recognizes that and he has a sword drawn. He's about to like, cut the reins. So like, you can do it. I'm just I just really want to acknowledge that the message that the tarot is sending is how hard it is for you to really think about leaving, even even though you might have a sense that it's best for you to. So let me see looking at changing directions and nursing like, you know, staying in nursing but doing something different, it looks like it's a very it's to start. It's really great, but it looks like the same issues of maybe burnout or I don't know what other issues you know might be bringing you down around nursing. It looks like they will come back. Your first card you have is the Empress, and I mean, oh my God, the empress is such a nurse energy, right? Really a beautiful card. So you know, to me, this is about you wanting to stay this path and like dedicating yourself to it and moving forward. And then you have the night of wines. So the night of wines is like, really very fiery, very impulsive and being like, I'm going to do this. And, you know, maybe there is something so impulsive about the night of one's. I wonder if it's almost a situation where you just grab like the first sort of new direction in nursing that kind of presents itself. And it's not. And then you end up with the aid of swords, which is interference, and you know that that is a mentally stressful card. So I don't like this spread very much. Yeah, I don't. I don't love it. It doesn't. It feels like there's there's something undirected about it that I don't like now for regaining your spark. So this is this is very interesting. You have a very interesting reading for regaining your spark. The very first card you have is the death card, OK? So it's like, wow, it's like, I almost want to say, I mean, oh my goodness. I mean, you, you guys. My mother is a nurse, and I should add that she did a different kind of nursing. But still, I just know nurses. You guys are in touch with death energy all the time and especially what it sounds like you're doing hospice. I feel like, you know, this idea that like you're that you're burnt out. It's like you've had an excess of sort of death energy and maybe you need to sort of seriously purge that somehow, right? The next card that you have is the princess of wands, and she's amazing. She is a spark, you know, she is definitely spark regained energy and she's vulnerable. She's she's like, has an altar where she's lighting her fears on fire. She's very ritually, very ritualistic card. And then the next card you have is the six of swords, which is science. Like, there's something about in order for you to get through, you know, to get your spark back. It's almost like this feels very similar to that reading I just gave for the person who almost lost their eye where it's like you're in the midst of a really heavy initiation here. You know, if your spark is going out, it's almost like maybe it's meant to go out, you know, and and that needs to be acknowledged and sort of honored that like, there's perhaps only so much of this like death energy that you can take. You know that you can actually likeassimilate into your body and metabolize. And it's almost like, I wonder if what you need to do is to get out of it, get into the sunshine, get into that art card, take a giant break. And it's like, it's not like, you're thinking, Oh, I'm just taking a break. It's like, you're leaving. But then I think you do come back because that princess of wands in the science card. I mean, I do think this is your calling. I think that you probably are a person with a few callings, right? Many ways that you can be of service in the world and find joy in it. But there's something about this death card in this just energy being so heavy that like to pretend that it's not having an effect on you. It doesn't work. It's like you almost need to honor the energy of death that you've been impacted by by moving away from this so that you can return to it. Does that make sense?

Querent: Yeah, that makes total sense. And I actually, I think it's really interesting. I got the death card because hospice is actually my favorite kind of nursing because what I kind of struggle with sometimes a lot with critical care is how we like really, really fight against death. And sometimes it's and it's a very you like hospice is very spiritual. I find a lot of like it's it's just so wonderful and such just sacred and incredible time to be with someone during that. And I and I want to be in a kind of field that embraces that instead of like fights it so much. So, you know, if someone can get better, want to do everything for that. But sometimes there's a certain point where you just have to just have to help them. So you had that last reading really, really, really hit it.

Wow, that's really a God. You just gave such an additional layer of meaning, you know, of course, with your own experience, that's really incredible. I mean, maybe it really is then really diving. Oh, I see that Laura in the comments is like, have you ever thought about becoming a death tool? I thought the same thing. I think, you know, you are doing death, do a lot of work through your nursing. And I think a lot of nurses are also like, death do us, whether they realize it a lot, you know, but it is confirmation that it is growing and people are becoming more aware that this is a role that exists and is really necessary. I mean, maybe what this is really saying is like, Yeah, you know, you can get out of this completely and take a big break or you want to dove really deeply into into the death aspect of it because it is spiritual and it your spark. Is there, you know, it is a really sacred moment to be with another person and how lucky for anyone during that moment that they're crossing over, that they might have access to you and your spirit? It's really special.

Querent: Thank you. And I'll piggyback back on what people are saying about how much they love your voice. I think that's why I love your podcast so much. You can just like, tell that you're smiling when you talk and you're kind of this really comes through, and I just really love that.

Michelle Tea: Oh, thank you for saying that and thank you, everybody in the chat. That's being so sweet. Stop it. I do want to point out that that last card in the row where you got the death card, you know that the six of swords, the science card, it's very much like Ding, Ding, Ding. Like, Yes, this is the proper application of your mind, right? So the things like this is very it's science is the science card would be very smart of you to make this like even more of your focus in some fashion.

Querent: Awesome. Thank you so much.

Michelle Tea: Good luck with whatever you do, Genevieve. Go on vacation. Anyway, get in the sun.

Querent: I will.

Michelle Tea: Oh my goodness, you guys nurses. Oh, thank thank you. Thank you all the nurses. Honestly, what would we do without them? OK, I'm putting all these cards back in the pile and I'm going over to something that a question. I'm sorry that came in to my Instagram. OK? And you know who else? I love nurses. And you know who else? I love you guys librarians. OK? So here's this question I have a career tarot question. I'm a librarian. Thank you, librarians, and every organization I've worked for has silenced me for being too political. Libraries are not neutral, but that's another conversation. Oh God, I just hate that. You know, I think that I think that libraries are so political. I got to tell you, I mean, you know, free knowledge, free books, you know, for the people. I mean, I know that politics and small mindedness, you know, can sneak in everywhere that humans are. I get it. But I just, you know, I'm spoiled because I worked with the San Francisco Public Library for quite a while, and they are a radical library. So I love librarians anyway. Anyway, that's enough of my soapbox back to the question. She says, I don't hate my current job at a public library. The commute is easy. Pay and benefits are decent. And I do like working with the public, but I'm considering jumping ship to a government research position that would be more money and likely work from home, which would mean zero commute and more time with my pets. Oh my God, that's very cute. In addition, I am intending to spend the next 10 years cultivating a creative career within I. We're in. I write and teach writing workshops. Always my dream. What does the tarot have to say about my day job choices and how will they affect my future goals? I'm a Scorpio Sun cap moon and cap rising. Oh my god, so let me just tell you. Scorpio Sun, Moon and cap rising. It's like, I mean, flip a coin because you're going to do amazing. Whatever you do, you're like the most. It's like that is like the most. Scorpios in caps are the most capable signs that can just like, run the universe. So you're great. But of course, I picked cards for you. I picked from the she wolf tarot deck, which is a deck I truly love. And if you want to peek at these decks, I will put some images from them on my Instagram after the show. So listen, I just, you know, shuffle the cards asking which of these two jobs that are available to you right now? Best support your ultimate goal of, you know, a teaching, writing workshops, OK, and your own writing as well. So it looks really good for the library. I mean, kind of maybe not surprising, right? The Magnus is the first, which is like the magician card. It's really a wild, gorgeous psychedelic card. In this, there's like an orchid that looks like a vulva. There's a diamond. The vulva orchid is coming out of a woman's head. It's like so much is going on, but it is definitely magical and powerful and about creating what you want. I mean, I love this for a question like this. I really do. The next thing that you have is the two of Pentacles, you know, which came up earlier for someone. And you know, this is a card of change. So it's interesting you got the the Magnus card and then that's the first card. The third card is six of one's victory. Like, yes, yes, yes. It's really saying that this this that being a librarian and staying at the library is very powerful for you, but that two of Pentacles is saying a change. Is there a change that can happen somehow? Because honestly, like the perks of that government research position looks really great, like more money. Who's going to argue with that working from home? How excellent, you know, more time with the cat zero commute? Is there a way that you can bring about some situations like that at the Public Library? I don't know, but it's saying it's suggesting that there's some sort of a tweet, a positive tweak that brings you a gift, right? Because. Two of Pentacles as Jupiter and its gift as Jupiter and Capricorn, which we know you got all that cap energy. I do want to, of course, let you know about the government research job cards that I picked. The first is the four of cups. OK. All right. It's like, you know, it's stable. It's a little bit meditative. You're home with your cat, your cat's on your lap. Then it's the night of cups and then it's the eight of cups. And again, that eight of cuts is a bit of a regretful card, right? It's a very haunting image. Actually, in the shibboleth deck, it's like the same naked white lady standing in a black hole that's like repeated for infinity. It's so creepy, you guys. I mean, it's a great image. You're like a little. I don't want that card and I don't want that card for you, nice librarian. I think that, you know, it makes sense to dream other dreams about, you know, other work places, work situations, especially when you know you have an ultimate goal that you're heading towards. It does look like staying at the library supports your your writing and creative writing workshop dream. So that's what I have for you. But see if you can tweak it, see if you can be like, Hey, you know, I was just about to jump ship. But lucky you guys, I'm keeping my political ass here in the library. What can you do to make it a little bit sweeter of a deal for me? I know, I know. You can't really say that, right? If you're a librarian. I think it's way more complicated, but I do hope that you can get something, make something happen for yourself. Now I am going to see who's in the room, who has their their little hand up here, OK? Oh, Sarah. Hello, Sarah, how are you?

Querent: Oh my gosh. I'm very excited to be speaking with you and thank you so much and hello to other listeners tonight. I appreciate everyone being here with me tonight, so I'll get right to my question. OK. So here's my question. 30 years married and getting ready to retire empty nesters and thinking seriously about a divorce. So. My question to you is if I on one hand, divorce. It could be meaning that I may not be able to retire and may not stay in my house, and it's a lot of, you know, 30 years if I, on the other hand, stay. There's not any love. There's not any. It's it would be for, you know, security only. Do I stay or do I go either way, assuming it's not easy?

Michelle Tea: Okay. All right. Is there any? I know there's a lot of change.

Querent: And I can give you, you know, and more details or more information if you want it.

Michelle Tea: Well, let's see what the cards say. I do want to ask, is there? Is there any kind of? Well, let's see. We might not need a third option. We might get a very clear message. So for leaving, I just picked three cards and for staying, I picked three cars. This is really interesting. You're definitely at a big turning point right now, right? So I'm leaving those card that comes up. Is that two of wands? It's Mars in Aries and it like it's breaking free. I mean, it's called Dominion, and it's about I am dominion over your own life, right? I am the master of my destiny. You know, Mars and Aries is really powerful and it's incredibly self focused. And it sounds like it's maybe time for you to have that kind of self focus, right? That kind of electrified self focus. It's really amazing, amazing card. And then the thing that comes after it, it's another Mars card, but it is called valor. It's the seven of wands. So, you know, the ones are all about like our energy levels, our life energy, you know, the spark in our step. So you start out with this incredibly strong one where you're like, Yes, oh my God, like, you're doing it. And then when the valor card comes up, the seven, the energy is there, but it's like a little oppressed in weekend. And there's this sense of like, Oh God, I can't do this, but you can write, but it's like your energy is flagging. Your belief in yourself is flagging. It's it's so interesting because it's it's another Mars card. It's Mars in Leo and Leo. You know, Aries is like the RAM, and it just charges straight ahead and the Leo Energy can be like, You know, I love Leo so much, but they're cats. They want things to be a little easier, like like the way it is for cat, for a cat in the world, right? So there's just something about like, Wow, this is hard, you know, and sounds like you already know that it's going to be hard. So I think either way, it's very hard. What what catches you on the other end, though, is the harassment, and that is an incredibly powerful card. The harassment is first of all, it's a major arcana, which I really like for a big life change. I really want to see, like a major arcana, it's Taurus, so it's very grounded and earthy. And you know, we're talking about your home, your work like, you know, very grounded earthly things. And so I like that all of this energy gets kind of grounded into the Earth with this powerful Hereford card. Oh, I do want to say I want to fling back to the seven of once you do win with that card, OK? It's a battle that's hard, but you win it. It is a yes, it is a victory card. I just want to be clear about that. But it is also saying that like, it's it's frickin hard. So the harassment, it's really interesting. It's like, I don't know if there's something like in a way, the harassment is also like our legal system. It's the patriarchy. It is institutions. And so I just I do wonder a little bit if like there's a way that perhaps I don't know that you would want to go back to school, but maybe you would want to go back to school or I mean, I know you're like, I want to retire.

Querent: Yeah, I'm I'm a teacher. And so it's like, I'm almost there.

Michelle Tea: It's really interesting. I wonder if it is about because it is about like education. And I could imagine you possibly if you do have to, you know, continue to work and not retire, but it's almost like, Well, can you make it? Can you sweeten the deal for yourself a little bit? Can you maybe not teach but get some sort of other job that has a little bit more prestige or go back to school for something that like just makes your makes the next few years of your life that you're going to continue working a little bit easier for yourself? Also, can you get alimony? I mean, it's I mean, the harassment does represent things like that. So it's it's worth talking about. Now I do. You've got really interesting cards, honestly, for staying in the marriage also. The first card you got is the night of discs, and he's not making a move. The night of discs, right? He is pausing to see what happens. It's a creative pause. It's a deliberate pause. It's not, you know, neglect or stasis. It's like, I'm going to sit here for a second and check this out. And so that's an interesting card to sort of represent deciding not to leave the marriage for now. Then the next card you get is the ace of wands. Can I ask what your sign is?

Querent: I'm a Leo with cancer, cancer.

Michelle Tea: Have all these, you know, fiery cards, so this fire is really speaking to you. It's just it's your element. So the ace of one's it's like something can be sparked a new within the marriage. And I mean, I'm not saying you guys are going to fall back in love with each other. Like, I don't know the details you seemed very to say. Like, There's no love like that is a powerful and stark statement. And you know, I'm sort. I'm not going to challenge that, but there's like something there, it seems like, and then there's the star card you get, which is about really being able to make your dreams come true. Like, is it? Can you have your cake and eat it too? Sarah, is there a way that you can have these materials stabilities? I mean, can you guys share resources? I mean, is your husband sort of on the same page as you like? Is there a way you can open up the relationship and be friends and, you know, be able to, like, have the kind of. You know, material life that you've been working towards. Is there a third option, I wonder now.

Querent: That would be wonderful if we could. We've lived for the last year, separate as far as like, I'm upstairs, he's downstairs. The hard part is I've been sober for 22 years and he is not and it's getting really icky. Not good.

Michelle Tea: Yep. OK. Wow. Wow. Wow, OK, that is a. Yeah. Well, jeez. Do you think? I mean, I hate OK, I have such mixed feelings about what I'm even going to say, but I'm I'm letting the cards lead me a little bit. I'm a sober person also, and I both know how I know. I know how, you know, people just don't get sober who need you, you know, they just don't. And I also know that sometimes they do, and it's a miracle and it can't be predicted. It certainly can't be relied upon. But I'm wondering if I mean, does your husband ever even flirt with the idea of getting sober? Or is he like, no frickin way?

Querent: No way, no way.

Michelle Tea: There's no way as somebody who goes to Al-Anon that I can tell you to stay in that house to be an example for or or like there's something about like waking up your husband to the consequences of what's happening, but it's almost like a story like that. Like, there's something there's something about, you know, does he know that you want to leave him?

Querent: We're at that point. I mean, it's sort of like we could have had it all, but it's I'm sorry.

Michelle Tea: I'm so sorry. It does it like it's it's so confusing how there is. I think there's more to this story there. I think there's more that's going to be revealed, but I think you need to take care of yourself. And I think all these other things will shake out or they won't. You know what I mean? Like your I pick some more cards for like, what is this? Is there this like third, third way of somehow, you know, being able to live together with, you know, you're upstairs and he's downstairs, and the first card that comes up is the devil, which is like, that's addiction, right? That's the card that symbolizes addiction the strongest in the tarot. But then sex and happiness. So it's like, I wonder if like, there's a way you can see how it feels to do that? And then if it's like, you know, something, this is fucking awful, you know that you have the spark in you to move out into like, you know, to do this next thing that you can and be on your own. But it's almost like, I'm seeing these really pretty cards for you staying, which doesn't make sense considering your circumstances. But I'm thinking that it's like Maura is going to be revealed and that there is possibly a way for you to be able to hold onto material. What's yours? You know what you've worked towards? That's what I don't like. I don't like you not being able to retire. You know all you know, having to lose a house. I don't like that. I would. What I'm getting from that, from the tarot is that don't move out immediately. Are you in danger?

Querent: OK. No, no, I have my sister lives next door to me, and, you know, so it's I'm not in danger now.

Michelle Tea: Can he move out?

Querent: Well, we're we're we're to the point where like, I can't afford this house by myself. So he might be able to afford this house by himself. But like I figure, I have so much time left on this earth. I feel like I'm on a spiritual path and if I'm going to be in this house by myself. With a man that is unpredictable, I may as well just be somewhere else and be lonely than be in this house and be lonely with someone who's unpredictable.

Michelle Tea: I agree with that.

Querent: Though, and maybe if I go and be divorced, maybe I have a chance of being, I don't know. Somebody might love me.

Michelle Tea: Oh gosh, Sarah, absolutely. Absolutely. You have like a lot of life in your future and love is everywhere and you can you can count on that happening for you. What what I'm seeing when I when I asked the tarot, what does it look like if he moves out? The card that came up is the universe, OK, which is like Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing, Bing and I hear you that you can't afford it on your own. So I was like, What if you find somebody else? What if you get a roommate? What if you get some sort of help in that way? And then you got the Alan card, which is again, about a new beginning? The feeling that I'm getting from this reading is like, there's something about holding on to what's yours, even though I get what I get like, ultimately, you want to cut and run because you don't. Life is too short. You don't want to be energetically linked to this person. How about selling the house? Joanne, I like I like that. What about that? What about selling the house? I mean, wouldn't you guys have to do that if you divorced?

Querent: Well, part of the reason and I I'm sorry to take everybody's time. I've got to do this, OK? One of the reasons that I kind of like have held on so long to this, to be married and so forth is I'm in a area where on one side of. The house that I'm in is my dad's house, who just died a year ago, and it's where I grew up, and so my sister bought that house on this next side of me as my sister and to a couple of doors down as another family member. And so we're all kind of long term as sisters are all going to be, you know, together here in the long run. And so to sell this place? Is like that the whole dream is for us sisters to be together. You know, when we're a hundred and ten years old.

Michelle Tea: Yes, the past. Absolutely, absolutely. All the more reason for him not to be there. I would look into seeing how you can cohabitate with other people who can help you with the rent the universe card in the Asian card is what I want to see and big life changing readings like this. So I think that you know what you want to do is get him out of the house. Stay there and try and bring somebody and who can help you with that rent. He shouldn't have that house. That's the that's part of the system house as far as the sister compound. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that's what you want to do that that is what makes sense. These other ones didn't quite make sense. But I'm like that star card about you staying there, but it's about you staying in the house. It's not about you staying with him. He has to go. Oh, Sarah, we are so with you. You have so much love in this room of just people who want you to succeed. The sister compound sounds so great. Look at where you can have people here from the room. Move in with you like.

Querent: Oh, okay, I'm in Michigan. I think I am so thankful for everybody hearing me out and study me positive vibes. I am usually on the other end, sending positive vibes to the callers. I'm so grateful because I I couldn't believe that I got chosen tonight, so thank you for all and so well.

Michelle Tea: I am really, really happy that you got chosen and I hope this was helpful and keep in touch. OK?

Querent: Thank you. I will. I bless you. Thank you, everyone.

Michelle Tea: OK, bye bye. I. Oh, man, man, oh, man, I wish there was a way we could be more like socially linked on this, you know, like there's no way to send a message to each other. Take note, take note green room. We want, we want access to each other. Can you imagine if one of you guys actually happened to live there, Sarah could be her roommate? Oh my god, I'm gagging. I love that idea. I'm so happy that the universe in the alien card came out because I was like, This is it right? It's not right that she should stay in this marriage, obviously. And yet, like, what is what's the missing info? Sometimes you just got to keep picking those cards, OK? All right. I got a little a little sweet, tiny question that came into my Instagram, OK? It says I recently just got out of my first gay relationship back in November, sadly, and I wanted to know what love looks for me right now. Oh my god. See, I'm like, I'm like, Oh my God, your first gay relationship? Congratulations. But of course you're sad because you just got out of it and breakups are nightmares. Oh OK. Happy. Sad for you. I'm happy. Sad for you right now, OK? Like, should I just hang out and do my own thing for a bit? Or be brave and put myself out there? Right, right. OK, so what does it look like if you just sort of nurse your wound a little bit? You know, have yourself, you know, a pity party and I mean, not in an empowering and supportive way. I love a good pity party. And, you know, broken hearts love disappointment. It's really real. And I think that it is truly one of the worst kinds of pain that a person can be. At least that's been my experience. I'm picking three cards for you to just like, hang with yourself right now, OK? Or be brave and put yourself out there. What does that look like for you? I mean, my god, it's only your first gay relationship. There's so many more gay relationships where you have, oh my god. I mean, I've had so many gay relationships and everyone is different and you learn so much and you have so much joy. And you know, heartache is heartache, and there's no getting around that. But let's see, what does it look like if you're just like, OK, I want I want a new love. What does that look like? OK, so hanging out by yourself? Well, looks really good, actually putting yourself out there? Oh, my goodness. Can't you have both? I mean, they're actually strangely similar. So Connor is pointing out the first relationship of any kind is rarely the best. Very wise. I think that's true. So listen, if you hang out with yourself and don't pursue love right now, you have the star card. And here we are in Aquarius season and the star is the Aquarius card, OK? And you know, that is about just like, I mean, she's channeling cosmic energy, you know? So I think that there's something about like, you know, love is really important and beautiful, right? But it's not everything. There's other things. There's other things for you to be thinking about right now. She really affirms that, OK? And then the next card, this is interesting. It's the Moon card. So that is also sort of like, do you even know what you want right now? Like, what was that relationship like for you? What did you learn about yourself like, you know, was there something that it triggered in you that felt bad? Was there something that triggered that felt good? You know, I feel like there's some. It's like you want the Sun to come out, but right now you want to meditate on on the questions that the Moon poses to you, which is like, You know what? Who are you? And what can you hope for and love? You know what? How would you like the next relationship to better reflect you? And then boom, you get the ace of discs, which is like being on a whole new path. So I like this a lot. Even though the Moon card, you know, nobody likes to get it, but in a breakup, it makes sense that you get it. And I feel like it can really be your ally in that it can really help you ask some difficult questions right now. Listen to this, OK? For for putting yourself out there, the very first card you get is the Fool. It's like the card of putting yourself out there. It's like, put yourself out there. How about if I just fooling myself out there off of a cliff? You know, that's what the Fool is doing. And I love that. And so I felt a little, you know, inspired by that for you. But then five of discs worry it's maybe just not the right time. Could you do it and persevere through it? Yes, because your final card is the night of Wands, Moon and Sagittarius. I mean, Moon and Sagittarius. I have a moon in Sagittarius, and it is really hard for me not to respond to the adventure of love no matter what, no matter if, if, if it's in my best interest or not, it doesn't matter. I can't resist it. So, you know, I think that what I'm seeing for you as far as like, you know, putting yourself out there, yeah, you could do it. And I think it would get through the the real, you know, the when it doesn't like the problems that arise, whether there are real world problems or problems that happen just in your head, you know, like if it if you get tripped out or, you know, go on some bad dates, you'll get through it with that strength card. But I just think that keeping yourself out of the dating game for another little while looks better. I like that better for you. I like the star. Better than the Fool. OK? I like the Moon. Better than the worry card. And I mean, I don't know. I love the nine of wands. I love the strength card. But the ace of Discs is so promising. Coming at the end of that, it's like, Oh, it's like you've gone through this little bit of an initial initiation and you've given yourself the respect and you've given your your situation and your heartache, your experience, the respect that it deserves, like you're honoring it, right? So, you know, love will be there for you. That is for sure. I feel like that ace of discs might be a new path of love for you, but I would say, you know, I would say, don't put yourself out there right now. And if you're like, too late, I'm on Tinder or Grindr or wherever you are. Well, then just know that you'll be able to get through whatever, whatever stress, whatever, like dating stress comes your way. You will get through it. OK. What is Connor saying? Connor spent some time out of dating in it and it recharged him. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. A little bit of a recharge, a deep check in with one's self. You guys, I can't believe it's already. Well, I'm on the I'm on the East Coast time. I'm normally not. So it's almost 10 o'clock. I can't believe it. Well, I'll I'll take this moment while I have you guys to just remind folks who joined halfway that if you like this room, you can keep listening to back episodes of it right back rooms. And all you have to do is go on to Spotify, search your magic and then it'll come up in the feed along with my podcast, Your Magic, which I think you would also like.

Oh, now I see a sad face emoji from Angie. It won't let you accept the Angie. That's terrible. I'm so sorry. Hmm. Is it possible for you to type your question into the chat and I'll read it. Is there a way to do that in a succinct fashion? Hmm. How is Tennessee? Well, I'll tell you how Tennessee is. I can see you in the chat there. It is filled with turkeys. There's like wild turkeys outside my window every morning, and then in the evening there's like 20 of them. It's it's great. I love seeing wildlife. Oh hello from Maine, says Genevieve. We are definitely doing an East Coast thing right now. I can't speak to what it's like to live here in Knoxville. I'm on this artist retreat and I haven't left it. If you could possibly live at this artist retreat, I would stay here. I would live here myself. It's beautiful, but I don't know what it's like in the rest of Knoxville, but people seem to really have a lot of Knoxville pride. There's like a university here. There's a really important music festival. There's a lot of arts and support for the arts, so it seems like a cool place. OK, OK, let me see, what do we got here? Is my free.

OK, here's Andy's question is my freelance career worth pursuing? It's scary to take the risk because of money. Geez, that is the truth. That is the truth. Connor, I'm seeing that you're bringing up discord. I'm going to I'm going to look into that. OK, thank you for that, because I do love this community and I want to support it. All right. But let's see. I'm shuffling right now for what is it look like to just take the risk, OK? To freelance? It is scary. It really is. And so much of freelancing is is about timing, right? Like, sometimes you're like, you know, what's in the future, but you just got to, I don't know, work your way up to it and build out that freelance career. Sometimes while you're doing your day job, that's how I did it anyway. Andy says she's been a server for a long time, but that's not her passion or her long term goal. She works as a musician, but also as a grant writer. OK, got it. So I'm going to do one more shuffle. What does it look like for you to just go freelance? OK? All right. Three cards and three cards for not right now. That is not not ever right. I don't believe in that. But for the moment, for some reason, because maybe you're freelance contacts aren't as strong as they could be. Maybe you just need to have a little bit more money under your belt. Maybe the stars are not aligned. I mean, I don't know. I don't know why. Some sometimes are better than others. But let's see. Let's see what it looks like for you to put it off for now and ask again, like in another season. OK. So for just doing it, it looks hard to do it now. What if you don't do it right now? Oh, I'm so sorry, Andy. It looks better to not do it right now. And you know, something that doesn't necessarily let me tell you what I see, OK? So for for doing it right now, you've got the queen of wands. All right. Oh, you're in your Saturn return. I see that, OK, you got your queen of wands. Then you have the five of swords, which is called defeat, and then you have the nine of swords, which is called cruelty. It's often cruelty to our self. It's negative self-talk. It's anxiety, it's stuff like that. The defeat card, you know, my my take on the defeat card is that, you know, when it comes up, it's usually because something didn't go right, right? Something didn't did go like, not the way you wanted it. But then what happens is it lives on forever in your mind because we have to remember the swords are mental. So what I'm thinking is that like, it's possible that it is going to be rocky and that like the if you're in a state of fear and then it's like, it doesn't kind of go exactly the way you want it to go. It's going to be really hard for you mentally to roll with it. So I don't know. I mean, I wonder if you have, you know, financial scarcity issues. I wonder if there's any sort of like financial trauma, you know, from. I mean, I say this as somebody who's had that. I wonder if if there if you have any sort of anxiety disorders, I have that also. But I wonder if there's a way that you can kind of get in, get in a better headspace before you try it. Because I'm really worried about the effect it's going to have on your mental state. Honestly, it just looks like and it is really scary. It is a scary thing to do. So now for for not doing it yet you have the hermit, the strength card, there's that strength cardigan, moon and Sagittarius and the night of disks. So. So this is really interesting because, you know, the hermit in the night of disks are these grounded, earthy cards that are not going to do anything wacky. They're not going to do anything to that's going to challenge their stability or threaten their stability, right? The hermit is very strategic. You know, Virgo is all about strategy organization. And then the night of disks is like, I'm not moving right now because, you know, the sun is beaming off my shield and it's turning the hillside green. So by not moving, it's actually an it's an it's an action. It's a decision. So I want you to think about, you know, not going freelance right now doesn't mean that like, nothing's happening, right? It's like you're actively planning towards your eventual freelance life, but it's not time for you to quit your job yet. It's time for you to prepare in other ways. OK? That's strength card that Moon and Sagittarius like that is really inspired and really optimistic and resilient. So it's almost like it's I think that the terror was saying that like, you can put a better plan together than the one you have right now. And I think that that's what you need to do and you need to kind of like build up whatever sort of structure of stability you're you're able to build up for yourself before you take this leap. But I do think the leap is ultimately one that you will take, but it looks like there's just some like it's not the right timing. There's some there are some kinks that need to be worked out around stability and your and your ability to roll. I think with instability, does this make sense? Oh my God, I'm on the edge of my seat just looking at the chart to see if this this is landing in any sort of way. Hmm. And he says, I do tend to fly by the seat of my pants, lots of Aries placements. Oh, how interesting. Well, that queen of wands. That's so interesting that the Queen of once, you know, is the very first card in your like, should I do this? And she is really great and stable. And so my guess? It's probably actually done. You've probably done pretty well flying by the seat of your pants, honestly. But it's so interesting that you're like, I'm in my Saturn return because, you know, the Saturn return is like sometimes the things that like we were, the universe was letting us slide by, but it's not really sustainable. Those things kind of hit a wall. OK, so you know, what I'm seeing is that flying by the seat of your pants might not work for you in this realm. Or, you know, maybe it's like, Yeah, you've been flying by. The seat of your pants, and maybe there's a certain level of instability and anxiety that accompanies that that's become normal for you. But maybe like there's other ways to live, right? Maybe you can actually do it in a more stable way. And you know, you still have that fire sign and taking a minute, right, you have the the nine of wands, Moon and Sagittarius. So it's not like you're putting out your spark. You know, it's just like, can you can you build like a little like a like a windshield around around your fire so it doesn't go out? You know, that's that's what that's the message I'm getting from the tarot for you. So. So I hope that that makes some sense. Good luck with your Saturn return.

Oh my goodness, somebody is asking me if I am at Log Haven and I am at Log Haven. That is the name of the artist retreat I'm at in Knoxville. So yeah, and it's beautiful and I really, really love it. Yes, Andy, you got to do some planning. Saturn Return is so brutal. Listen, I really want to recommend to you and to everybody. The Saturn Return Survival Guide by Lisa Stardust, who's a great astrologer, a friend of the Your Magic podcast. She wrote a whole book about it, and I just think it's it's a must have, you know, for anybody who's approaching their Saturn return, we're all going to go through it. And guess what? We're going to go through it again in our 50s. So like, I'm looking, I'm staring down the barrel of my second Saturn return, you guys, can you even believe it? OK, well, I'm going to end the room now. I love you guys. I am totally going to do a quick GOOG on the discord thing before I pass out to get an idea. If that's something that will work for us because I love you guys and I love this community. I am in a different time zone. Stay up late. Oh my god, no. Good night. All right, you guys. I'll see you next week. Next Thursday and again, all the reruns are on the Spotify your magic channel. Goodnight.

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Michelle Tea: Hello, friends. Remember to catch Ask the Tarot Live every Thursday at 9:00 p.m. Eastern on Spotify Green Room. Join me for a journey through the cycles of life, love and aspiration in real time. Just download the Spotify Green Room app, sign up for free or use your Spotify login to join the conversation. Then you'll be able to hear live readings, meet unique people and even ask questions of your own. Download Spotify Green Room for free today and join Ask the Tarot Live every Thursday.

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